RP and Anxiety

At the risk of sounding flippant to people's plotting, Sindome being the way it is, I think everybody is jaded to their efforts into RP disappearing as somebody gets fed up with being dunked on in the game and quits, or somebody perms in a completely IC fashion. If you feel like you really need to take a break, it might feeks like you leaving will piss off a lot of players, but I've noticed that people tend to actually be forgiving about that and involve returning characters in plots again without too much prejudice.

Also, I don't know what staff's opinion on this is, but I don't think it's against the rules to just use Local OOC to lay things out for people why you're withdrawing from a plot. Even if your contact with someone is predominantly on phone or SIC, it's not impossible to make up an IC reason for them to show up in person, surely.

The bottom line is, Sindome won't suddenly implode if you take some time for yourself for, say, a week or two. And people won't swear blood oaths against you.

Coincidentally I just finished writing a note to that exact effect based on the larger 'bleed' forum post, both Cinder and yourself replied upon.

I have to confess I think facing the situation in RP may be genuinly helpful to me OOC simply because it hit upon a couple of things that are very real world issues for me. So I do want to push through. On the flip side of course, sindome is escapism to a degree from those very things I am anxious about. So it was a massive dose of REAL which I wasn't even remotely prepared for.

As such the ooc response was and still is... tough.. to say the least. But already, being able to voice these concerns openly in the comunity is helping and I hope it helps others.

"I have to confess I think facing the situation in RP may be genuinly helpful to me OOC simply because it hit upon a couple of things that are very real world issues for me. So I do want to push through."

I'm not going to claim to understand anxiety. I've never had it. However, I do know what it's like to be in a position ICly that brings your character to a stopping point. I've let that stuff get to me in the past, and spent more time planning/theorizing what could happen rather than actually find out. By the time I actually decided to make a move, the interest was gone and it was back to status quo, and very boring.

This is just my personal opinion, but I do believe if this is a strictly IC thing that's happening, that you should let it play out, acclimate, and remember that this is just a game, and if you're not playing it, you can't enjoy it.

I'm not saying walk right up to a dozen or so people trying to kill you, but don't let it cripple your character to the point that you're sitting in an apartment or a cube for five months hoping people will forget, because that's one of the worst outcomes.

I want to echo what others have said and express some sympathy. Anxiety is real. I have it, it sucks and it can interfere with life at times.

All of the conflict in Sindome creates anxiety. That is just a normal byproduct of conflict.

It's challenging when the two dynamics of wanting to play a game to escape life and 'relax' collide with the conflict that is inherent in the game.

Over the last couple of years I have had to take a couple of breaks from the game, either due to 'bleed' within the game or simply because RL became too demanding of my time and I didn't have any hours left in the day to spend on Sindome.

Staff definitely understands these situations. An @note or two is immensely helpful for everyone involved. One, it gives you as a player some closure or at least an assessment of the current state of your reality. There is so much therapeutic value in simply writing things out. Two, it lets staff know that you aren't just flaking out and ghosting the game.

Everyone gets knocked down from time to time. The difference between success and failure is whether or not you choose to pick yourself back up again.

I'm a strong advocate for not playing if Sindome is effecting you negatively OOC.

By design Sindome can make players feel trapped, if you want to talk to your IC friends you need to play, if you want storylines you're involved in to continue to involve you then you need to play. I've been in the position in the past of knowing that a player needed a break, but wanting them to continue playing -- either because I enjoyed playing with them or because I wanted to see their plots develop.

I realized after a while that I wasn't helping any of them by trying to make things work better or modifiying their IC situation, or supporting them IC. If someone needs a break they need a break.

In my experience, very few people are going to have an issue with someone taking a mental health break. The only times it can become an issue is when a player just vanishes out of nowhere with no notice and throws plots into disarray because no one knows if or when they'll be available to continue.

That can be avoided by just talking to people and letting them know you're not going to be around. For staff that means @notes and for players local OOC is entirely fine for this but if you can't get in a room with someone then just telling them IC that you need to get out of Central for a mental health break does the trick. That terminology is going to be understood by any veteran Sindome player.

In my experience, players who just disappear will have a hard time getting back into plots in the future, but when it's understood that a player will be away sometimes then there's far fewer issues getting back into things when they return. It's easier to keep a light on for someone when you know why they're away.

What @0x1mm and @beandip implied about not needing to provide any details or reasons is completely valid.

It is totally okay to be overwhelmed. You do not owe anybody an excuse or an explanation or anything like that. In fact, believing that you have to explain yourself can create even more anxiety.

Like @0x1mm said, veteran players will understand. The staff will understand.

If anyone out there does not understand, or does not want to be understanding, they are doing themselves a favor by self selecting themselves out of your life.

Life is too short to spend it trying to please other people, or trying to fit yourself into a mold that you think will make other people happy, or accepting of you, or whatever. Don't do it. Do what you need to do to be well.

That goes double for Sindome. There are plenty of people who play here who seem to get off on pushing other people's buttons. That is 100% about them and their own mental issues and has nothing to do with you and taking a break.

@HC

It's also an adult game. And as adults, we can point out mental health issues like grown ups.

People who get enjoyment out of pushing people's buttons are sadistic. It's a mental health issue.

It's also totally mentally normal to want to obscure that fact and hide behind it being "a game" in order to make it "okay" to screw with other people.

We all know what we're signing up for here.

Feel free to justify it however you need / want to. Call it IC / OOC. Convince yourself that when "your character" does something it isn't really "you" doing it. Whatever you need to do.

Not really. You're entirely reading into players' intentions a lot here and making assumptions about why people do the things they do.

I'd say it's unhealthy to assume otherwise, thinking that the players themselves are out to get YOU personally, when it's likely entirely in character. Some of the biggest antags in the game I've known have been some of the most chill people OOC.

Are you essentially saying that the core part of the game and mentally ill and deranged in their antagging, while also justifying continuing to play?

Hey this is going to become a back and forth.

It's healthy to want to step away from the game, especially if situations in the game are affecting your mental well being outside of it. There have been times in this game where something was going on, despite not feeling any actual recognizable fear or panic, I none the less couldn't get my hands to stop shaking to the point where just having them on the keyboard were creating Sic encrypted patterns.

What's important is to look at it as it is still just a game, the investment you feel can be good for roleplay, but can also take over in unhealthy ways. The characters themselves may be actually out to get your character, but the players themselves are generally just playing how their character would react.

All and all you should play the game as you feel appropriate for your character and if your own well being is ever called into question you should not be afraid of the need to step away to center yourself again. Make whatever plans you feel necessary to make this easier; contacting gm's, players you interact with on an ooc basis, and some in play discourse for a somewhat cleaner hiatus. There may be some rp required in your return, but overall, the playerbase would understand a need to step back and recharge.

If you think you need to step back from the game, you should. I do it literally endlessly. The world doesn't end. People realize you have RL going on. Your IC friends may evolve without you. It's all the circle of Sindome. What's wayyy more important is your own happiness and sense of balance. If you keep playing while you're in a mounting state of anxiety, you'll only do things IC that will reinforce your anxiety and perpetuate the cycle. Perspective is the solution.

>People who get enjoyment out of pushing people's buttons are sadistic. It's a mental health issue.

>It's also totally mentally normal to want to obscure that fact and hide behind it being "a game" in order to make it "okay" to screw with other people.

This couldn't be more off the mark.

Just because someone can play a villain and enjoy it, doesn't mean they actually would enjoy enacting that shit, or fucking with people IRL.

Most people I know who play villains in roleplaying games tend to be the nicest people possible.

To lump everyone into a group and say that people are being sadistic for being antagonists is generally unfair. That being said, to say that no one is malicious simply to be malicious, is just as disingenuous, or we wouldn't have had some of the most toxic situations in the community here that we have. I think we can say that a great deal of people here are simply playing their character and not to assume that all are bad. There however are some who are ridiculous in how they approach antagonism, and learning to spot the difference is a good thing so you can do the best thing for yourself and what makes you happy. I've ran into both here, and I can also say that both exist. To dog pile and say that there aren't terrible people online is just a little silly, just as it's silly to say that all antagonists are evil, horrible people.

It's fairly easy for me (plenty of practice) to come out and say I have anxiety, and that it affects me in real life, and that is sucks, and that Sindome has piqued my anxiety many times in the past. However, I want to acknowledge that this isn't an easy thing for everyone to come out and say. I'm truly pleased at the outpouring of support I've read in this thread, with folx putting themselves out there as they have.

My own experience: I have rarely had anxiety in relation to an IC situation where something bad was happening to my character or my character was put in a difficult situation. I think this is because I have put others in conflict so many times, with no ill will toward them OOCly, that my default mode is to assume best intentions and assume that everyone else is putting my in difficult situations because that is what their characters would do and because that is what is best for roleplay.

That's not to say I have never experienced anxiety while playing Sindome, because that has happened plenty. When I was playing, my anxiety would mainly be focused around the terrible things I was inflicting upon other characters and wondering if they would hate me or if I was being to rough or if I was ruining peoples fun. I've always managed it with conversations, mostly on the BGBB (See: Group Discussion: Feeling Bad OOCly which touches on a lot of this.)

As a GM it was very similar, at least to start, because GMs have to lay down a lot of punishment, and sometimes that would get to me and I would feel bad or anxious.

As a Senior Staff member-- the anxiety has been much worse. I can very much empathize with the posters that have said things to the effect of 'I feel bad stepping away because people have put so much effort into the RP'. This is something that is very common on the GM side as well. I know I've felt it. I've pushed myself to be up past bedtime, or on during work, or skipped working out to GM, or responded to messages in the middle of the night.

On my end as a Senior Staffer, it's usually emails, staff issues, player blow ups, internet trolls, difficult players, staff drama, player drama, etc. All of these things very much pique my anxiety, as I'm a person who, in case you haven't realized, prefers harmony (Cooperative Competition).

Let me tell you all, what I tell myself and what I tell the staff when this comes up:

Sindome isn't going anywhere. It's been around for 23 years and I've only been around for 80% of that. I've only been GMing for 70% of it. I've only been coding for 65% of it. And I've only been a senior staffer for 50% of it. The game was fine before me and although my contributions have been many and important, taking time away to make sure that I am OK, is going to be better for the game, better for the community and better for me, in the long run.

It's like putting your mask on first when the airplane is having a problem before putting on someone elses, or making sure you stay hydrated before making sure others do. You can't help others if your own tank is empty, if you aren't getting oxygen, if you are dehydrated.

Sindome is a game. It's supposed to be fun. And when it isn't quite fun it's supposed to be a learning experience. A way to grow. A place to face down your fears, try out new skills, hone your ability to stand up for yourself, or step into shoes you've never filled before to see what it is like to live as someone else.

No one. And I mean NO ONE. Be it player, GM, builder, coder, Johnny, Glitch, Me, or anyone else-- should feel required to contribute, play, or show up, when they think it would be better for them not to.

Look after yourself first. The community is resilient and strong, both ICly and OOCly. While your contributions might be missed while you are gone, we'll still be here when you get back.

-- S

(Edited by Slither at 10:14 am on 9/19/2020)

Totally right there with the people who are expressing anxiety or overwhelming bleed fro the game, and feeling obligated to keep playing for various reasons. Just want to reiterate what many others are saying, and advice that I wish I had listened to before things got too overwhelming. Take a break if you need it. Getting a breather, clearing your head, and forgetting about the game for a while REALLY helps, and it prevents you from making a permanent decision that you end up regretting once you've had time to decompress. If I could go back and tell myself to take a break rather than let the bleed overwhelm me, I would.

Best of luck with everything, and I hope that the anxiety becomes less challenging. :)